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sparklycupcake08

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sparklycupcake08

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Visits<b>martin8337</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 10:10am

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Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (16189)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37811) - you deserved it (5807)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38354) - you deserved it (12771)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

#21232655
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43933) - you deserved it (6750)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46250) - you deserved it (4023)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47665) - you deserved it (5304)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48313) - you deserved it (5127)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57551) - you deserved it (7206)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44180) - you deserved it (4213)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

#21188342
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39547) - you deserved it (5278)

On 06/25/2014 at 7:38pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46759) - you deserved it (12183)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40397) - you deserved it (16908)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56204) - you deserved it (7846)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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