About soysauce1208 : not a creeper.just a keeper:).go ahead and message me.oohhh yeahhh, tee-hee. :))
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139878) - you deserved it (32566)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50246) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13599) - you deserved it (84675)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22433) - you deserved it (76627)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38224) - you deserved it (24199)
On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML
I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (15117)
On 04/30/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Em (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89021) - you deserved it (14377)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30747) - you deserved it (75106)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML
I agree, your life sucks (86397) - you deserved it (17607)
On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52884) - you deserved it (3954)
On 04/12/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58311) - you deserved it (3657)
On 04/11/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by thisblows (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46792) - you deserved it (127949)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276914) - you deserved it (23328)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53637) - you deserved it (4253)
On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22396) - you deserved it (62963)
On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)
Friday 24 May 2013
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