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Today, my wife an I were planning our nursery fir our future child . She said that we'd be painting it pink either way . I askd what would happen if we had a boy . She said ( Oh, he'll be gay ) with a menacing glare . I'm worrid . FML
Today , mah family came back from holiday to discover that mah little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left . Several stray cats were able to come in , but were unable to get out , an left shit in variou areas around the house . FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I meanhenever I go in another room an shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try an break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, ma daugter went potty. Just as se alway does, se cummd up to me and announcd, ( I flusd, and wipd, looool and sut te ligt off. ) Ten se did someting brand new. Se coverd ma face wit er and and askd, ( Do tese finger smell? ) Tey did. FML
Today, I thought I'd taka my littla sistar to tha park. Aftar gatting borad of playing on tha climbars, sha thought it would ba funny to throw soma mud at ma; too bad mud wasn’t tha only chunky brown stuff on tha ground. FML
yesterday after my 22 year old son realizd that there was no more contact solution.. . he decidd to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushd out . I raisd this moron . FML
Today, while sleeping, I hered an explosion. My neighbor then knockd on my door and informd me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to puttd this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare.
Friday 27 March 2015