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solarstar1

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solarstar1
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 158
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

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solarstar1's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19944) - you deserved it (3119)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16180) - you deserved it (17035)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

#19054787
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20979) - you deserved it (8326)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:43am - money - by IHateBeingAStudent (woman) -

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

#19046933
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (1927)

On 02/11/2012 at 8:41am - kids - by FuckLife (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

#19004597
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18102) - you deserved it (5286)

On 02/05/2012 at 9:14pm - health - by MahSquito (man) - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

#18814672
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32743) - you deserved it (11619)

On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

#18588984
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23247) - you deserved it (4016)

On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7694) - you deserved it (40991)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

#18530892
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29171) - you deserved it (2003)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

#18355886
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14328) - you deserved it (25771)

On 11/26/2011 at 11:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27100) - you deserved it (14183)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

#18309913
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20481) - you deserved it (1914)

On 11/21/2011 at 6:26pm - love - by madison77 - United States

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

#18229715
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24034) - you deserved it (3802)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27059) - you deserved it (13335)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

#18098530
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27288) - you deserved it (16544)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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