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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15665) - you deserved it (16497)
On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20391) - you deserved it (8254)
On 02/12/2012 at 4:43am - money - by IHateBeingAStudent (woman) -
Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21338) - you deserved it (1434)
On 02/11/2012 at 8:41am - kids - by FuckLife (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15552) - you deserved it (4163)
On 02/05/2012 at 9:14pm - health - by MahSquito (man) - United States
Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28513) - you deserved it (10414)
On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States
Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML
I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (3166)
On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (32695)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24698) - you deserved it (1448)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12420) - you deserved it (19571)
On 11/26/2011 at 11:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25280) - you deserved it (11773)
On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (1883)
On 11/21/2011 at 6:26pm - love - by madison77 - United States
Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22361) - you deserved it (3106)
On 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24617) - you deserved it (10764)
On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23023) - you deserved it (12643)
On 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21765) - you deserved it (1271)
On 10/25/2011 at 12:30am - work - by fire1 (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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