Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

softpaws

Search for a member

softpaws

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 10 May 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 407
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

softpaws's page activity

Visits<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 9:17pm<b>whiplash2289</b> - the 04/04/2013 at 4:39am

softpaws's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of softpaws's badges

softpaws's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44405) - you deserved it (3878)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (1873)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22121) - you deserved it (2212)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (7071)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16945) - you deserved it (67729)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

#20060240
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (8938)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:46am - love - by Ashley - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

#20058507
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23534) - you deserved it (4669)

On 09/05/2012 at 4:14am - love - by steve (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20455) - you deserved it (4161)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14716) - you deserved it (38362)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25781) - you deserved it (12304)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

#19434352
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33478) - you deserved it (3078)

On 04/09/2012 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

#19240246
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13403) - you deserved it (49411)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

#19126066
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (4917)

On 02/20/2012 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Gothicbunnyx3 - United States

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

#18914321
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33636) - you deserved it (2536)

On 01/26/2012 at 6:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

#18342108
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27696) - you deserved it (2380)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: