This member hasn't filled in their description.
softpaws's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
softpaws's favorite FMLs
by notthebesttime / 10/13/2012 at 8:04am / Intimacy
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Kids
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
by OhMeGerd / 10/05/2012 at 10:56am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML
by Sara / 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
by awks / 10/01/2012 at 8:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The… Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought…