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softpaws's favorite FMLs
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Bliggins / 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy
by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
by dumping time / 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
by Dead_Fox / 11/21/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
by mfischer / 11/16/2012 at 4:40am / United States / Miscellaneous
by fuzz94 / 11/14/2012 at 4:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
by Tj Hunt / 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…