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softpaws

Offline (the 06/12/2015 at 9:15am) | Search for a member

softpaws

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 10 May 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 866
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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softpaws's page activity

Visits<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 9:17pm<b>whiplash2289</b> - the 04/04/2013 at 4:39am

softpaws's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of softpaws's badges

softpaws's favorite FMLs

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31278) - you deserved it (3775)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34234) - you deserved it (9205)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (12931)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34298) - you deserved it (8370)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

#20199177
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37076) - you deserved it (15274)

On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

#20195358
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33291) - you deserved it (24261)

On 12/07/2012 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by bill219 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28520) - you deserved it (5395)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33260) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21254) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36489) - you deserved it (3419)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41271) - you deserved it (2652)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (3169)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (3495)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13006) - you deserved it (25313)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49369) - you deserved it (14572)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)



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