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softpaws's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 7:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
by cjay2200 / 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Kids
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by vsf / 08/01/2011 at 8:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by whyme / 07/13/2011 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Love
Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by beekeke45 / 06/25/2011 at 9:39am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML
by ragass_mctree / 09/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Richmond24 / 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s…