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Offline (the 09/08/2015 at 3:34am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 May 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1153
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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softpaws's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42832) - you deserved it (5663)

On 08/30/2011 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33751) - you deserved it (9356)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32699) - you deserved it (52641)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML


I agree, your life sucks (61707) - you deserved it (7553)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28633) - you deserved it (6259)

On 08/01/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by vsf - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26768) - you deserved it (39809)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:40am - love - by whyme - United States (California)

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15392) - you deserved it (49433)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19228) - you deserved it (64793)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21234) - you deserved it (35249)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - misc - by why me -

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40319) - you deserved it (10780)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58397) - you deserved it (8183)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (33999) - you deserved it (21214) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (73281) - you deserved it (8238)

On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48974) - you deserved it (3576)

On 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by Richmond24 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

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