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softpaws's favorite FMLs
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy
by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 11:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML
by Cheyennereed / 02/17/2013 at 10:50am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML
by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by maggu / 02/10/2013 at 11:26pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by katelynm / 02/08/2013 at 1:24am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals
Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML
by hamandegger / 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
- Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24.… Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to… Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end…