This member hasn't filled in their description.
softpaws's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
softpaws's favorite FMLs
by natalyV / 09/04/2015 at 11:58am / Intimacy
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by TheIVkindaruinsthemood / 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
by KaylaRox1908 / 07/07/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
by notacreep / 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 11:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
by baby_trex_arms / 05/05/2015 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by nobodylovesme / 04/04/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Love