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softpaws's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by TheIVkindaruinsthemood / 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
by KaylaRox1908 / 07/07/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
by notacreep / 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 11:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
by baby_trex_arms / 05/05/2015 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by nobodylovesme / 04/04/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with… Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were… Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit…