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soccerniko50's FML badges
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soccerniko50's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML
by ThroatSlasher / 08/17/2015 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 4:33am / United States / Health
by Brooke / 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 4:56am / Malawi / Miscellaneous
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
by I already have one, thanks / 08/09/2014 at 1:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML
by suspended / 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML
by FUCK YOU / 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm / Israel / Intimacy
by freakedout / 08/08/2014 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML
by pocketrocket90 / 08/08/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…