Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sneeze_watch

Offline (the 09/09/2014 at 5:00pm) | Search for a member

sneeze_watch

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 June 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3073
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

sneeze_watch's page activity

Visits<b>ares99</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 5:22pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:25pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 11:34am<b>lirideout</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 11:08am<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 10:38pm<b>A_Dead_Fish32</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 9:01pm<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 8:05pm<b>nunchux88</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 6:48pm<b>OochenSnoochen</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 1:01pm<b>sweetbliss3</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 12:47pm<b>cdawg69</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 12:09pm<b>Gremlinek</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:52am<b>JoelsLastNight</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 9:11pm<b>DoctorsDaughter</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 11:21am<b>Travesty42</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 12:58am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 6:00pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 11:09pm<b>HunterHimself</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 12:54pm

sneeze_watch's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of sneeze_watch's badges

sneeze_watch's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you deserved it (3608)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML

#16990171
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30417) - you deserved it (2980)

On 07/05/2011 at 6:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

#16984657
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33417) - you deserved it (4061)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:04am - work - by chawlay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

#16982648
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11026) - you deserved it (56878)

On 07/05/2011 at 3:06am - love - by eatmywords (man) - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

#16980520
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9600) - you deserved it (66311)

On 07/05/2011 at 12:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

#16971210
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31840) - you deserved it (3857)

On 07/04/2011 at 9:24am - misc - by Bekah (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

#16968738
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30246) - you deserved it (3507)

On 07/04/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by monquiqui (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

#16966151
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (3326)

On 07/03/2011 at 10:02pm - health - by wastedbaby - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

#16954796
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13624) - you deserved it (44849)

On 07/02/2011 at 11:01pm - intimacy - by T-Guy (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

#16947329
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39766) - you deserved it (7161)

On 07/02/2011 at 10:06am - love - by fthislyfe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

#16945555
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29575) - you deserved it (4275)

On 07/02/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymouse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

#16944074
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38531) - you deserved it (4227)

On 07/02/2011 at 1:33am - love - by Amanda - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32282) - you deserved it (3128)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

#16931515
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33929) - you deserved it (2721)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:56am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

#16921062
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32359) - you deserved it (3755)

On 06/30/2011 at 10:36am - misc - by sealpop09 - United States (Colorado)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: