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sneeze_watch's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
sneeze_watch's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by What a happy day / 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML
by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 3:24am / United States (Montana) / Love
Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Washington) / Health
by frustrated / 01/13/2013 at 1:39am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by whateven / 01/08/2013 at 12:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML
by HenryRollinsForPresident / 09/25/2012 at 7:54am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2012 at 1:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by madmomma / 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by tapeissticky591 / 07/14/2012 at 1:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…