About smorkmo : Does anybody else think its messed up you have to be pumped full of mercury laced vaccines to be a lawyer?! I knew there was a reason they're all screwed in the head. Google "Thimerosal"
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smorkmo's favorite FMLs
by PeeLeg / 03/11/2013 at 3:43am / Miscellaneous
by Greg / 02/10/2013 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML
by ELparano / 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm / Canada / Transportation
by kmtranter / 12/28/2012 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Intimacy
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
by Alone / 12/28/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Love
by well, i am now / 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm / United States (New York) / Work
by chunkymonkey / 08/24/2012 at 9:53am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 10:10am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 12:39pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by marquez_jasmine / 07/21/2012 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…