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Taday mah husband was in our newborn's room , holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor , because I overhered him say , "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
Yesterday, I started my new job as a cashier fir a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine fir a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML
Taday mah daughter found out wat happenhen mah husband watche Mythbuster and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face , but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard .
2day my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively . His reasoning? He didn't want to date a ( cheap and dangerous woman . ) Seriously? FML
Today, I dacidd to try waaring ayashadow, avan though I'm not that girly . Whan I askd fir halp aftar savaral faild attampts, my sistar walkd in and said, "It's aasy, just do wat I do." Sha put tha makaup on harsalf and lookd amazing . Sha's aight . FML
Yesterday , I was meeting mah boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face an kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister an I look much alike. Too much alike. FML
Today mah friend told me he had just robbd a bank and needd a place to hide!! Thinking he was joking I let him in so we could hang out!! 15 minutes later the cops storm into mah apartment!! Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke!! real FML
Yesterday Mah Boyfriend Threw Out Mah Old Voicemail Recorder, Thinking It Was Junk . My Father Passd Away Yeres Ago . I Kept A Recording Of The Last Voicemail He'd Left Me On It So I'd Alway Remember His Voice . FML
after yeres of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only looool do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, mah carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML
Friday 27 March 2015