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slytherbitch

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slytherbitch
  • Town/Country : Ohio, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 254
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About slytherbitch : An aspiring RN, I've been with my firefighter fiancé for over three years, and we recently welcomed the cutest lil nugget on October 8th. And yes, that's her in my profile picture. Okay, well, bye!

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slytherbitch's favorite FMLs

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

#20556707
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44972) - you deserved it (2134)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39332) - you deserved it (3256)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (4862)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (3171)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

#18772275
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11664) - you deserved it (29003)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31368) - you deserved it (3517)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

#17506139
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25570) - you deserved it (6075)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:18am - health - by gb - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

#12966386
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19697) - you deserved it (7101)

On 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by undoable - United States (Illinois)

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

#10707989
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16248) - you deserved it (24225)

On 05/23/2010 at 5:21am - misc - by Oops (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

#8923957
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (5841)

On 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm - health - by gotitEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6578) - you deserved it (31479)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

#5862404
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24329) - you deserved it (4057)

On 10/17/2009 at 4:20am - work - by PukinFireman (man) - United States



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