About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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slushpup9696's favorite FMLs
Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML
by wakinginvegas87 / 09/05/2010 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by pencilring / 09/04/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Love
by MisterMisinformed / 09/01/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 4:15am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
by Joel / 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
by K_M / 08/23/2010 at 12:18am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Kids
by mollyeyers / 08/22/2010 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML
by ouch / 08/15/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
by Indigo_Kitten / 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by anon / 07/31/2010 at 1:04pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
Today, I came home from vacation to discover that one of my friends had broken into my house, painted my room a hideous color, ruined my hardwood floors with the paint, and left huge mess for me to clean. When I confronted her about it, she called me ungrateful. Everyone I know agrees with her. FML
by annoyed / 07/29/2010 at 4:02am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML
by BambooLove / 07/15/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Love
by lonely / 07/15/2010 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…