About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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slushpup9696's favorite FMLs
Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML
by serveandprotectyeahright / 11/20/2010 at 9:00am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML
by Username / 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML
by roberto / 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Intimacy
Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 3:40am / France / Love
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
by youreajoker / 11/10/2010 at 5:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML
by crazyparents / 11/10/2010 at 2:12am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by beforegirl / 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 10:58pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 7:56pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Kids
Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML
by mrtut / 10/29/2010 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Merseyside) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 4:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
- Today, my phone fell from the table. I desperately tried to catch it with my foot, but I completely… Today, I was playing video games in the dark and drinking soda during the slow periods. When I took… Today, a customer threw a cup of cole slaw at my face at the restaurant I work at for "not serving…