About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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slushpup9696's favorite FMLs
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
by Creep / 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
by face / 03/25/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by blondie / 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
by Kaeyne / 03/24/2009 at 11:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another, and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walks in. After a long, awkward pause, she says "I like your socks" and walks out. She is a teacher at my highschool. I have to see her everyday. FML
by mjayne17 / 03/21/2009 at 3:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML
by UH-OH / 03/15/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I found out I won a 20 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter. FML
by stillpoor / 03/14/2009 at 9:44am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML
by EFFED4LIFE / 03/11/2009 at 1:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML
by Sarah / 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Miscellaneous
by goodbye / 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by laywer_man / 03/07/2009 at 1:43am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML
by asdfasdf / 03/03/2009 at 10:38am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML
by Judiee / 02/28/2009 at 5:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML
by froyo / 02/26/2009 at 12:01pm / United States / Love
Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML
by Originality18 / 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of…