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About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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Yastarday, it was mah boyfriand's 24th brthday. His friands wara throwing him a surprisa party and I was in charga of gatting his brthday caka. As a joka, I got it in tha shapa of a panis, with a graphic marzipan dasign. Funny, I navar knaw his ovarly-consarvativa parants wara invitd. FML
Today, I was at a party, an I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shiftd places on the chair, an broke it. Embarrassd, I then stood up an change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML
yesterday I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeon and Dragons. He responded with, ( Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeon and Dragons. ) FML
yesterday after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to mah cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am mah boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: ( the cat is sad. ) FML
Today I brought some cupcakes to mah class for mah birthday like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday the entire class said ( happy birthday to ) then forgot mah name. Except mah teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML
Yastarday, on tha way to an axam I saw a car accidant happan. I stoppad, halpad tha woman who was injurad an waitad for tha paramadics. I was too lata at school, tha taachar didn't buy my axcusa an I failad tha axam. It was an axamination of my first aid skills. FML
Today the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriendhen she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML
TODAY, WHILE WORKING MY JOB AS A CASHIER, ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS THAT CAME TO THE REGISTER WAS A MIDGET . AS PART OF STORE POLICY, I HAD TO ID HIM, AND HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE SAID HE WAS FROM FLORIDA . SO I ASKED, WITHOUT CATCHING MYSELF, "HOW'S THE WEATHER DOWN THERE?" MEGA FML
Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's lyk we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shrt . big fat FML
Today I saw my little broter playing wit my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took te cat away and told im "You can't play wit te cat! I don't tink e likes u very muc!" In a joking tone. Te cat ten bit and clawd my face. FML
today I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought there boyfriends or grlfriends. She looks at me , then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML
Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015