About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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slushpup9696's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML
by DoesNotLikeCubes / 07/06/2009 at 4:08pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Work
Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 9:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by toothfairy / 06/26/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML
by nail714 / 06/25/2009 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML
by jerk / 06/24/2009 at 2:44am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
by loli-conned / 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML
by liz / 06/21/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
by Hackmanjones / 06/13/2009 at 10:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML
by graduate / 06/06/2009 at 9:17am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
by LadyChristina25 / 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had… Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well,… Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having…
- Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…