About slushpup9696 : No need to get mad at me. I'm just a cat sitting on a newspaper.
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slushpup9696's favorite FMLs
by johncabbot25 / 12/23/2011 at 5:53am / Canada / Love
Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2011 at 8:04pm / Reserved / Intimacy
by S. Bauer / 11/02/2011 at 9:50am / Portugal / Love
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML
by Extended_desktop / 09/11/2011 at 1:53pm / Poland / Intimacy
by dontfencemein / 07/22/2011 at 12:25am / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by mongoosemike / 06/07/2011 at 1:55am / Miscellaneous
Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML
by sherronj / 06/06/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the Pokémon theme song. FML
by chickennbenchpress / 05/31/2011 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2011 at 4:28am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML
by StatusSearch / 05/26/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by art_major / 05/25/2011 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found… Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for… Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him…