About slippy327 : I am a human being. I am not some kind of evil cat, plotting to rule the world and destroy humanity. Trust me, I am not a cat.
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slippy327's favorite FMLs
Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML
by Distracted / 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 9:20am / United States (California) / Work
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by meeeee! / 03/02/2015 at 8:26am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
by nosexforthee / 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML
by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by cwhitney7 / 12/22/2014 at 10:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by ShutUp007 / 11/21/2014 at 9:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
by no / 11/16/2014 at 9:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by ThaBoss12 / 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/29/2014 at 4:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids