About slippy327 : I am a human being. I am not some kind of evil cat, plotting to rule the world and destroy humanity. Trust me, I am not a cat.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
slippy327's favorite FMLs
Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML
by busmonster / 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML
by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML
by fuck you btichass cuntshit / 08/20/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
by funnnyyyyy -_- / 08/01/2015 at 4:29am / Nepal / Animals
Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML
by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Kids
by FMLintheanus / 05/27/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML
by homo fuckofftus / 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by norpedo / 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by yif2 / 05/16/2015 at 7:47am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by cricketsins / 05/14/2015 at 1:11am / United States / Animals
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
- Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to… Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We… Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he…
- Today, I'm looking after three little girls, aged 3, 5 and 7 years old. We're watching Bambi, and… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…