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sleepy_jaz

Offline (the 08/28/2015 at 6:41am) | Search for a member

sleepy_jaz

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1795
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sleepy_jaz's FML badges

Inception

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Perfectionist

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sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

#21460185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20034) - you deserved it (1730)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:56pm - love - by wellthen - United States

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

#21459919
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15353) - you deserved it (20957)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

#21458825
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23661) - you deserved it (6112)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:25am - kids - by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay (man) - Malta

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

#21457997
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34573) - you deserved it (1739)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML

#21457386
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (1563)

On 08/17/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by sonice (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

#21457265
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26671) - you deserved it (1803)

On 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29101) - you deserved it (3558)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

#21455905
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28069) - you deserved it (1522)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast')

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

#21455888
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (8709)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:35am - work - by babbling idiot - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was depressed so I went to the only bar in town. When I asked for a drink, I found out she works there as the bartender. FML

#21455384
79 comments

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27514) - you deserved it (2399)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33356) - you deserved it (3191)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

#21454264
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20045) - you deserved it (8603)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

#21454260
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (1998)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:35am - love - by butchapparently (woman) -



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