Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sleepy_jaz

Offline (the 01/16/2016 at 5:48am) | Search for a member

sleepy_jaz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2581
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

sleepy_jaz's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of sleepy_jaz's badges

sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

#21491812
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (3586)

On 11/12/2015 at 7:00pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

#21491660
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13289) - you deserved it (27247)

On 11/12/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by friendless1004 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31641) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

#21477110
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22749) - you deserved it (2032)

On 10/07/2015 at 9:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

#21468219
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27403) - you deserved it (3218)

On 09/14/2015 at 1:17am - love - by thisiswhyimsingle - United States (Missouri)

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

#21467927
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31404) - you deserved it (2613)

On 09/13/2015 at 10:07am - work - by jobless (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

#21467692
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22503) - you deserved it (3454)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

#21466521
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (3457)

On 09/09/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

#21466220
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21331) - you deserved it (2706)

On 09/08/2015 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mother-in-law got her driver's license, despite being prone to fainting, seizures, and being on so much medication that she sometimes forgets where she is. She now wants to drive us to all our family functions, and my father-in-law won't object because he doesn't want to damage her self-esteem. FML

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

#21465050
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28252) - you deserved it (2226)

On 09/05/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by earlytermination - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad completely naked. When I expressed my displeasure, he told me to knock next time. I'd agree with him, if he hadn't been standing in the middle of the hallway in our very open living room. FML

#21462782
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22524) - you deserved it (1492)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eminnis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

#21461344
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (30385)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by O0hdear - United States (Texas)

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

#21460185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (1986)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:56pm - love - by wellthen - United States



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: