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sleepy_jaz

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sleepy_jaz

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  • Number of visits : 1616
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Inception

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This isn't what should be happening

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sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21745) - you deserved it (2974)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

#21435950
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22772) - you deserved it (2925)

On 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

#21435168
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (1425)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:16am - work - by thatshelpful - United States (Iowa)

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

#21434895
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26507) - you deserved it (1728)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (11688)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

#21428154
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29276) - you deserved it (2500)

On 06/18/2015 at 4:09pm - misc - by unsuccessful popping - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (1689)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

#21424643
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27733) - you deserved it (3551)

On 06/11/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by Badhairday - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

#21424633
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26869) - you deserved it (1761)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

#21424629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20339) - you deserved it (10598)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Bigbaby - United States (California)

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29789) - you deserved it (1795)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

#21423053
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24367) - you deserved it (1401)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:47pm - work - by frustratedandunderpaid - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

#21422808
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26753) - you deserved it (7840)

On 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by Wrabel (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30194) - you deserved it (2230)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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