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sleepy_jaz

Offline (the 05/22/2015 at 9:41am) | Search for a member

sleepy_jaz

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1494
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sleepy_jaz's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of sleepy_jaz's badges

sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28295) - you deserved it (2249)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29390) - you deserved it (2199)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

#21409927
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30381) - you deserved it (3531)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:41am - money - by sparkyjaf - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

#21409835
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28352) - you deserved it (2147)

On 05/14/2015 at 1:11am - animals - by cricketsins (woman) - United States

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26384) - you deserved it (8671)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (1960)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (2786)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (5272)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28332) - you deserved it (6249)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

#21405071
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (3041)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32404) - you deserved it (3397)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

#21402962
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27192) - you deserved it (2197)

On 05/01/2015 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
106 comments

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31151) - you deserved it (9708)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33793) - you deserved it (4518)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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