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sleepy_jaz

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sleepy_jaz

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  • Number of visits : 695
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sleepy_jaz's FML badges

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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sleepy_jaz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (14472)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

#21218720
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you deserved it (5957)

On 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm - health - by timv94 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30360) - you deserved it (3364)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35057) - you deserved it (5816)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27727) - you deserved it (21339)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35435) - you deserved it (4476)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36435) - you deserved it (22645)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (5854)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

#21212865
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (3575)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm - money - by what people do for money - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

#21212029
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39717) - you deserved it (3951)

On 07/17/2014 at 4:48pm - love - by toonice - United States (Oregon)

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48958) - you deserved it (4147)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34881) - you deserved it (17043)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47788) - you deserved it (3311)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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