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Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29695) - you deserved it (4053)
On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6439) - you deserved it (13976)
On 02/19/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by queenbee12345678 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15674) - you deserved it (3595)
On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15674) - you deserved it (3595)
On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (1885)
On 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (7483)
On 02/13/2012 at 1:00am - love - by Kevin (man) - United States
Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML
I agree, your life sucks (14373) - you deserved it (2619)
On 02/09/2012 at 6:05am - health - by thairsha (woman) - Japan
Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19174) - you deserved it (1558)
On 02/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous -
Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11626) - you deserved it (32188)
On 02/06/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28433) - you deserved it (2414)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland
Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12765) - you deserved it (4848)
On 01/23/2012 at 6:27am - health - by Dutchee - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17761) - you deserved it (3152)
On 01/18/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by FML - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23187) - you deserved it (17399)
On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)
Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14034) - you deserved it (44573)
On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7947) - you deserved it (20177)
On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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