About sleaves : I don't like people.
sleaves's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
sleaves's favorite FMLs
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison / 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Health
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
by ari / 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm / United States / Work
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by Anonymous / 12/25/2012 at 11:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Animals
Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML
by mom / 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm / Germany (Bayern) / Kids
by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML
by Pooping / 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by dany / 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…