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skxrot

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skxrot

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skxrot's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46969) - you deserved it (4028)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (3540)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44983) - you deserved it (14678) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45077) - you deserved it (5119)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56251) - you deserved it (9179)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

#20111868
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9835) - you deserved it (26903)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:02am - love - by goodeyesight (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

#18738481
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26889) - you deserved it (14001)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31686) - you deserved it (4841)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

#18724362
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27833) - you deserved it (2929)

On 01/06/2012 at 6:40am - intimacy - by only 10 more hours to go (woman) - United States

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24647) - you deserved it (12819)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34331) - you deserved it (6024)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

#18203488
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42367) - you deserved it (5068)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Great... (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34915) - you deserved it (2786)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7564) - you deserved it (72004)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

#7816615
488 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47212) - you deserved it (36940)

On 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm - kids - by fuckmylife (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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