Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About skullofdarkness : Hi, I'm Stephen, and you're creepin. Now. If you wanna message me, fine, it's probably gonna take me a while to get back to you, seeing as how I rarely get on here
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today... my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared 4 a moment... said "Son... I don't have a problem with homosexuals... but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. mega FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When mah 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants an peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out 4 upsetting her. FML
TODAY, I RETURND FROM A LONG BUSINES TRIP A DAY EARLY TO SURPRISE WIFE. SHE WAS SLEEPING, SO I CLIMBD INTO BD AND STARTD SPOONING HER. THINKING I WAS AN INTRUDER, SHE SIMULTANEOUSLY KICKD ME IN THE GROIN, ELBOWD ME IN THE RIBS, AND SMACKD THE BACK OF HER HEAD INTO JAW. FML
Today, mah boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together . The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still lovd him . He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm ( in the way of there love . ) mega FML
Today, my pone went off, reminding me to take my birt control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. Te ringtone ad been canged to my boyfriend singing "It's birt control time, birt control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the frst time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Yesterday, mah mother an I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nerely a year since mah dad died. Not paying attention, mah husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML
Today... I was in a training about the newest change in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression technique an said she prefer "good... fast... hard pumping." I was the only one who snickerd out loud... drawing several annoyd looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. big fat FML
Today, I spontaneously got ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on earlobe looks ( exactly the same ) as the hole from her ear piercing. FML
Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML
Friday 27 March 2015