skitz

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skitz

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 July 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 35273
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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skitz's page activity

Visits<b>jacksavage33</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 4:03pm<b>Mean_Oreo2436</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 9:40pm<b>EyesofStone</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 3:26pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 10:53am<b>Kjaerlighet</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 11:25pm<b>dakota133</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 7:39am<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 1:58am<b>accidentalsheep</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 12:16am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 9:13am<b>eatsteak</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:46pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 11:34am<b>lizzy9147</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 12:36pm<b>jvegahernandez</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 1:47am<b>123765</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 9:52pm<b>osr215</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 12:50am<b>Wrex</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 6:27pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 10:36am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 1:09am

Fucked!<b>EyesofStone</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:26pm<b>lizzy9147</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 6:36pm

skitz's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

skitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

by ohshittttttt / 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

by nick / 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

by Noname / 03/17/2009 at 6:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

by uncomfortable / 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

by Ethan / 03/09/2009 at 9:35am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

by serverdessert / 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

by Smash_Mouth / 03/08/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

by Dang-ItsDanielle / 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

by mr.palendrome / 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

by SadDad / 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous