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Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML
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On 08/06/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Lawrence (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43067) - you totally deserved it (2876)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8125) - you totally deserved it (28672) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9769) - you totally deserved it (29803)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37517) - you totally deserved it (2239)
On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51139) - you totally deserved it (4860)
On 07/18/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by Meh (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9085) - you totally deserved it (29974)
On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12405) - you totally deserved it (48034)
On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you totally deserved it (2615)
On 07/16/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by kewlcat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52915) - you totally deserved it (1715)
On 07/16/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you totally deserved it (3850)
On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40377) - you totally deserved it (2477)
On 07/14/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by dinapar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33206) - you totally deserved it (7319)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31724) - you totally deserved it (13068)
On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 2:45am - love - by nameless (man) - United States
