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skittlesxmonster's FML badges
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skittlesxmonster's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
by spiderwoman / 04/15/2011 at 7:47am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Animals
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
by verasam01 / 02/24/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML
by Lawrence / 08/06/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
by solomantis / 07/30/2009 at 1:46am / Norway (Oslo) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
by Nikse / 07/29/2009 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
by bbbkingsey / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
by Meh / 07/18/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by joedoe / 07/18/2009 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Pumpkin / 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by kewlcat / 07/16/2009 at 2:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
by shway / 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML
by dinapar / 07/14/2009 at 10:02am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…