About skinny_love : This website is a bitch
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (54871)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35062) - you deserved it (23479)
On 05/04/2009 at 8:37am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9018) - you deserved it (54536)
On 05/04/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by kandi (woman) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (208160) - you deserved it (10117)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (19081) - you deserved it (74784)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33699) - you deserved it (18593)
On 05/03/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Sally256 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54334) - you deserved it (5907)
On 05/03/2009 at 11:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56402) - you deserved it (3557)
On 05/02/2009 at 1:05pm - health - by sicktomystomach (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (140929) - you deserved it (32153)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (197985)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34118) - you deserved it (18322)
On 04/30/2009 at 9:40pm - health - by fuckmyliiiiiiife (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47221) - you deserved it (12433)
On 04/29/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by PoopTart (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (154031) - you deserved it (8637)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19176) - you deserved it (94037)
On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43358) - you deserved it (7134)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)
Friday 24 May 2013
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