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Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88735) - you totally deserved it (19200)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40261) - you totally deserved it (32684)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then proceeded to call out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17808) - you totally deserved it (67010)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52117) - you totally deserved it (5581)
On 04/12/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (65554) - you totally deserved it (11121)
On 04/12/2009 at 1:06am - love - by s3rp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (88458) - you totally deserved it (8141)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60571) - you totally deserved it (5277)
On 03/30/2009 at 5:06am - intimacy - by budussy (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69041) - you totally deserved it (15430)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:12am - work - by disfordiploma (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48835) - you totally deserved it (5468)
On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
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On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today I texted my girlfriend, telling her how I hated my job and felt like I was trapped be wasting my time. A couple of minutes later she texted back, saying "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54619) - you totally deserved it (4776)
On 03/19/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ineverknew (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60159) - you totally deserved it (8836)
On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17760) - you totally deserved it (91987)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
