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simplysandy's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:08am / United States (Washington) / Holidays
Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2009 at 1:06am / Kazakhstan (Almaty) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML
by peace_lost / 06/29/2009 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by BW / 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML
by seriously / 04/20/2009 at 7:05pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by Cynical / 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML
by PinkTornado / 03/17/2009 at 10:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML
by not-so-young-shortie / 02/18/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say…
- Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I…