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simplysandy's FML badges
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simplysandy's favorite FMLs
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy
by thanksmom / 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Bellagirl / 07/19/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML
by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by knock_out / 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML
by darthinvader / 07/15/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML
by photonut13 / 07/15/2010 at 6:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML
by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals
by maggotsinmycarpet / 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm / United States / Animals
by Nancy / 07/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML
by hello / 07/10/2010 at 8:57pm / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Miscellaneous
by thanksalot / 07/10/2010 at 4:05pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…