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simplysandy

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simplysandy

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  • Number of visits : 168
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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simplysandy's favorite FMLs

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38276) - you deserved it (3760)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

#11989675
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59421) - you deserved it (3641)

On 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

#11977645
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (4939)

On 07/19/2010 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Bellagirl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

#11960471
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (18279)

On 07/18/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by holly (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14607) - you deserved it (54651)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20142) - you deserved it (43166)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

#11907332
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32054) - you deserved it (4355)

On 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by knock_out (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

#11906376
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18557) - you deserved it (23479)

On 07/15/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by darthinvader (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

#11895645
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38618) - you deserved it (2624)

On 07/15/2010 at 6:52am - misc - by photonut13 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

#11867771
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7354) - you deserved it (60340)

On 07/14/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by Eyefreshener (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

#11841759
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37379) - you deserved it (9680)

On 07/13/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by Betchsadface - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

#11832599
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (4623)

On 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm - animals - by maggotsinmycarpet - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

#11815113
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39831) - you deserved it (2664)

On 07/11/2010 at 7:00pm - misc - by Nancy - United States

Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML

#11798566
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28162) - you deserved it (7924)

On 07/10/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by hello - Jordan (Amman Governorate)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

#11794777
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44742) - you deserved it (3982)

On 07/10/2010 at 4:05pm - love - by thanksalot - United States



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