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simplysandy's FML badges
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simplysandy's favorite FMLs
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy
by thanksmom / 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Bellagirl / 07/19/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML
by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by knock_out / 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML
by darthinvader / 07/15/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML
by photonut13 / 07/15/2010 at 6:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML
by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals
by maggotsinmycarpet / 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm / United States / Animals
by Nancy / 07/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML
by hello / 07/10/2010 at 8:57pm / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Miscellaneous
by thanksalot / 07/10/2010 at 4:05pm / United States / Love
- Today, I hid in the bathroom of a Starbucks as a tornado completely flattened the building around… Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly… Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random…