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silve's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML
by thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart / 11/15/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Holidays
Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML
Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML
by HomeImprover / 11/02/2016 at 1:34pm / Transportation
Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML
by bagadigi / 10/27/2016 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML
by Ughhhhh / 10/03/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML
by ShameMonkey / 09/27/2016 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML
by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML
by Krystl / 09/18/2016 at 12:35pm / Australia / Work
by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML
by Rabite / 09/15/2016 at 10:48am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Transportation
Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML
by Weddingbelles / 09/12/2016 at 11:52am / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Ihatepants / 08/31/2016 at 9:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML
by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work
by LacrosseFAIL / 07/16/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous