About silbot : I've been on FML for a while now, I made a new account because I couldn't get my old one's name changed. Anyways, I only comment when I feel like I have something I need to say.
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silbot's favorite FMLs
by Cslouth / 10/27/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Kids
Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML
by birthday girl / 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm / Australia / Animals
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
by fiftyshardsofbroccoli / 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML
by davifilo / 10/26/2012 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
by Weasel123 / 10/26/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML
by familyofpsychos / 10/26/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by mental / 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 4:13pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by winterbee123 / 10/25/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Intimacy
by allison_fishing / 10/25/2012 at 12:37am / United States / Health