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sickofnames
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  • Number of visits : 6041
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27215) - you deserved it (82808)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58322) - you deserved it (5340)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48059) - you deserved it (5548)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

#1972272
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53943) - you deserved it (21840)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

#1971558
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50999) - you deserved it (10432)

On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML

#1970945
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (14970)

On 05/15/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

#1958201
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12467) - you deserved it (36842)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:20am - kids - by Sodge (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13938) - you deserved it (97816)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
990 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58869) - you deserved it (643510)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)



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