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shyboy3092

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shyboy3092

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  • Number of visits : 823
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>packrat</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 5:03pm<b>gumin1s</b> - the 02/13/2013 at 4:05pm<b>ke54hav</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 9:01am<b>i4Muzzleblast14</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 6:04am

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shyboy3092's favorite FMLs

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

#19608158
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22991) - you deserved it (6022)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by rongo12 (man) -

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." FML

#19598076
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19982) - you deserved it (1731)

On 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm - work - by dan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (4676)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (3833)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
583 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13354) - you deserved it (54618) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22808) - you deserved it (2268)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

#19363644
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30104) - you deserved it (5001)

On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20298) - you deserved it (3432)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29368) - you deserved it (3867)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30094) - you deserved it (9449)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35075) - you deserved it (5315)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17183) - you deserved it (29506)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

#19033928
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36702) - you deserved it (1900)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:28pm - health - by Ouchies - United States (Colorado)



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