About shutupmichaela : sadly, no, I am not Hayley Williams from Paramore.
shutupmichaela's FML badges
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
shutupmichaela's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
by cockfist / 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 3:30am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by jessierules93 / 12/07/2013 at 12:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
by long day / 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML
by tramp / 11/10/2013 at 12:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Where is the faith in Humanity / 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML
by davincidasecond / 11/05/2013 at 12:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by UnfortunatelyAmusing / 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous
Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML
by PIGaming / 10/28/2013 at 1:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML
by failure / 10/27/2013 at 8:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/24/2013 at 3:16pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health