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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 September 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 830
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About shutupmichaela : sadly, no, I am not Hayley Williams from Paramore.

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shutupmichaela's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53264) - you deserved it (6621)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25828) - you deserved it (50593)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47329) - you deserved it (5651)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40379) - you deserved it (20427)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50561) - you deserved it (13330)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45541) - you deserved it (3705)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40370) - you deserved it (18666)

On 11/10/2013 at 12:51am - misc - by tramp - United States

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45341) - you deserved it (18724)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by notsogood - United States

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42323) - you deserved it (8467)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46091) - you deserved it (8361)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by UnfortunatelyAmusing (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49913) - you deserved it (8918)

On 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by Argh (man) - France (Poitou-Charentes)

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML


I agree, your life sucks (48331) - you deserved it (4404)

On 10/27/2013 at 8:41pm - love - by failure (man) - United States (Louisiana)

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