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shutupmichaela

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shutupmichaela
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 12 September 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 269
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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shutupmichaela's favorite FMLs

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14046) - you deserved it (35379)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39984) - you deserved it (5704)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45065) - you deserved it (4122)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42321) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (37913)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47278) - you deserved it (5526)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (46232)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41445) - you deserved it (4619)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35202) - you deserved it (17596)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

#20983492
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36212) - you deserved it (3955)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:58am - misc - by jessierules93 - United States (California)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42879) - you deserved it (11197)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (3274)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

#20952213
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35475) - you deserved it (16314)

On 11/10/2013 at 12:51am - misc - by tramp - United States

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

#20950354
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38208) - you deserved it (16133)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by notsogood - United States

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38138) - you deserved it (7803)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)



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