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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71984) - you deserved it (5625)
On 07/08/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Applelover012 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59750) - you deserved it (2741)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59285) - you deserved it (5091)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45059) - you deserved it (6200)
On 06/28/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by angry (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6220) - you deserved it (87390)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177951) - you deserved it (25398)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39500) - you deserved it (6436)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (85121)
On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42504) - you deserved it (16277)
On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34655) - you deserved it (21069)
On 06/16/2009 at 7:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46828) - you deserved it (2267)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by dodgerkiss (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9754) - you deserved it (55324)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61536) - you deserved it (3609)
On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84720) - you deserved it (4526)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)
Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17791) - you deserved it (45246)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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