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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today it was really hot in house so I pulld shorts down so I was just in boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly trid to pull shorts back up penis flippd looool out of boxers. FML
TODAY, MAH GRLFRIEND ASKED ME HOW BIG THE SUN WOULD BE COMPARED TO THE EARTH. I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME TO HELP DEMONSTRATE, SO TO IMITATE THE EARTH, I MADE A SMALL HOLE WITH MAH INDEX FINGER AND THUMB AND SAID "OKAY, IMAGINE A BALL THIS SMALL." SHE THEN LOOKED AT MAH CROTCH. FML
Yesterday, my new girlfriend, with whom I have had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said ( This one is my favorite ) now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
Today... my boyfriand dacidad it would ba funny to racord us having sax and ma scraaming his nama. looool Ha sat it as my ringtona without talling ma. I had my phona voluma on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
Today, fir mah mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, mah mom an her boyfriend decidd to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward fir me an mah friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard mah friend going to town on herself. real FML
Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard . It apperes that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field . I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them . real FML
TODAY , MY HUSBAND LEFT FIR A TWO-WEEK TRIP. LAST NIGHT HE GAVE THE DOG A TREAT OF STEAK FAT AND GRISTLE. MY TREAT? I AM ON BD REST WITH MY PREGNANCY AND HELPLESS TO STOP THE RANCID DOG FARTS THAT ARE SILENT AND SMELL LIKE A BURNING SEPTIC TANK EXPLODD. FML
Today, mah kids surprised me when I got home!! One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, an the other cummed up to me an said, "Daddy, let's go!! We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML
yesterday after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML
Friday 27 March 2015