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shorto4765

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 112
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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shorto4765's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41022) - you deserved it (7182)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (36360)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29620) - you deserved it (9239)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43727) - you deserved it (9135)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

#20443594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9836) - you deserved it (23389)

On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44379) - you deserved it (5026)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

#20434714
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31349) - you deserved it (3439)

On 12/31/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by WasZumTeufel? (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

#20434488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36181) - you deserved it (3223)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37736) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

#20431241
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33241) - you deserved it (2421)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:14am - work - by avoid the sour cream - United States

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36904) - you deserved it (4071)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

#20428799
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22548) - you deserved it (44563) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by ELparano - Canada

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

#20427124
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38509) - you deserved it (7951)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51183) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

#20424687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34476) - you deserved it (2752)

On 12/26/2012 at 11:03pm - misc - by hborkowski (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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