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Why am I up so early?
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shockwave259's favorite FMLs
Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by KBL3 / 08/11/2010 at 5:16am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by juwkgo / 02/17/2010 at 10:05am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML
by Dan / 11/08/2009 at 8:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
by Poopyhead / 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health
Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2009 at 4:54pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Animals
Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML
by Somessedup / 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML
by akward / 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
by AreYouSerious / 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML
by fatgirl4 / 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
by hatboxghost / 07/09/2009 at 1:17am / United States / Love
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
by Unluggee / 06/04/2009 at 6:38am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML
by TrueStories / 04/13/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML
by ohhhman / 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm / United States / Work
Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML
by ihatevideos / 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today, while discussing with my boyfriend Brangelinas break up I said Brad probably cheated again… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I…