This member hasn't filled in their description.
shellykjelly's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
shellykjelly's favorite FMLs
by children ain't pawns / 11/21/2016 at 10:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML
by beetregeneration / 11/16/2016 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Work
by moose / 11/14/2016 at 2:17pm / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy
Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
by oped01 / 10/17/2016 at 8:15pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by unemployed / 10/17/2016 at 8:05pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML
by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
by Alyssa / 09/21/2016 at 3:17am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Loose Ends / 09/14/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Sadmom / 09/13/2016 at 10:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML
by 4fingerdiscount / 09/13/2016 at 7:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by Gottabekidding / 09/08/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML
by mermaidkeels / 09/08/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML
by nevaagain / 08/19/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML
by Innocent / 08/18/2016 at 7:03pm / New Zealand / Transportation
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…