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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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shellybean

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shellybean
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 140
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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shellybean's FML badges

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shellybean's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (11186) - you deserved it (17398)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

#9143571 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (29212) - you deserved it (2026)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm - misc - by disturbed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

#8968653 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (5768) - you deserved it (15349)

On 03/10/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by RyanM (man) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

#8938821 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (15363) - you deserved it (14942)

On 03/09/2010 at 1:43am - love - by anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

#8439216 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (12738) - you deserved it (2845)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:27am - intimacy - by kit_kat14 (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

#8434762 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (12369) - you deserved it (1834)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by Brett meek - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (19740) - you deserved it (1540)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

#8406793 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (8878) - you deserved it (2940)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by goldie09 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (12079) - you deserved it (3159)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

#8083041 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (17245) - you deserved it (5391)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:30am - misc - by muffingirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

#8062082 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (4433) - you deserved it (7174)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

#8051668 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (26537) - you deserved it (3114)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

#8040620 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (20707) - you deserved it (1270)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:40am - health - by utensils123 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

#8038027 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (17919) - you deserved it (1792)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)