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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2739) - you deserved it (7267)
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3769) - you deserved it (7764)
On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3258) - you deserved it (7002)
On 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11064) - you deserved it (8107)
On 11/19/2011 at 3:05am - intimacy - by Tyler - United States
Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9104) - you deserved it (1670)
On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24846) - you deserved it (6278)
On 10/30/2011 at 4:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (1654)
On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23551) - you deserved it (4697)
On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)
Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29073) - you deserved it (4194)
On 06/29/2011 at 1:13am - intimacy - by crazy_bitch122 - United States (California)
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27537) - you deserved it (3213)
On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11474) - you deserved it (2103)
On 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Patrick R - United States (Texas)
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7415) - you deserved it (24726)
On 06/07/2011 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29363) - you deserved it (4520)
On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34686) - you deserved it (5748)
On 05/04/2011 at 7:51am - intimacy - by woah (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32815) - you deserved it (2858)
On 05/02/2011 at 9:51am - health - by megomania (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
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