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sharethepride's FML badges
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
sharethepride's favorite FMLs
by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML
by Dreamcatcher1229 / 09/04/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML
by insomniac x2 / 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
by no new apartment for me / 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by idk ask freud / 07/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
- Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen,… Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working… Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she…
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…